So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
