It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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