can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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