he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
