Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize