Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
