Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
