She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
