Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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