carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize