There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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