At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
