i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this just has baby written all over it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They are going to name an STD after you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
