I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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