I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
