hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
