Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just pynch a tree in the face
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
