When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it glows. i had to have it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
