This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
