ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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