i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
