So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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