I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize