I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
