The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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