Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
