Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
