Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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