We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize