Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
