Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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