bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
