well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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