Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
