Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize