Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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