Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
