alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
