What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
