why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
