I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
