Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
