What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
