My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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