Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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