if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
