Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
