So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
