I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
