well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
