my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize