i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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