He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize