I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
