Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
