i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You made out with two different species that night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
