our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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