I faked an abortion last night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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