I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
