Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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