I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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