She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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