He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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