I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
