dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
