dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
