Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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