I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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