You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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