No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
