I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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