Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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