I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
