I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
