my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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