I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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