I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
