I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
