My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
