I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
