so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
