i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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