so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
