so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
