she woke up with a sticky ear
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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