He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
