She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
