Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
