Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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