Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
