I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
