you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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