youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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